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ILOVEROSES's Blogs

Two men are arguing.
Sunday, October 13, 2019      27 comments

Two men are arguing about how much their wives love them. The first man thinks he’s won the argument as he says: “You know, I never realised just how much my wife loved me until I was off sick last week. When the milkman and postman w... Read more
An old man was in a doctor's office.
Saturday, October 12, 2019      18 comments

An old man was sitting on the examination table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said: “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!” “Rats,” said the old man. “No... Read more
A Quick Swim.
Friday, October 11, 2019      23 comments

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling r... Read more
An employee went to speak to his boss.
Tuesday, October 08, 2019      28 comments

An employee went to speak to his boss. "Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?" "Sure come on in. What can I do for you?" the boss said. Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this firm for over ten years." "Yes." "I ... Read more
Things you don’t want to hear during surgery.
Sunday, October 06, 2019      25 comments

Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the cleaner – we’re going to need a mop. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness! Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if this is his s... Read more
M-I-L
Saturday, October 05, 2019      23 comments

A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. "What are you doing?" she aske... Read more
An old lady sat behind the bus driver.
Friday, October 04, 2019      22 comments

A little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she’d pipe up and say: “Have we reached Falls Creek yet, sonny?” “No, lady, not yet. I’ll let you know,” he replied, time after time. As the ho... Read more
A chief cannibal was talking to a captive.
Wednesday, October 02, 2019      22 comments

The chief cannibal was questioning his newest captive. “Tell me, what was your business before we found you?” “I was in the newspaper business.” “What did you do?” “Assistant Editor.” “Ah, good news. Promotion awaits you. Aft... Read more
Three ladies were discussing getting older.
Tuesday, October 01, 2019      25 comments

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said: “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start ... Read more
A young man is quietly drinking at the bar.
Sunday, September 29, 2019      27 comments

A young man is quietly drinking in a pub when a drunk staggers in, points at him and shouts: “Your mother is the best lover I’ve ever had!” Everyone in the pub stops and looks over at the pair, expecting a fight to break out. But the young ... Read more
The English Plural
Sunday, August 25, 2019      24 comments

This will be my last blog for a month because in 2.5 hours we fly to Tokyo and on Wednesday we take Holland America "Maasdam" for a 29 night cruise to Sydney. For those of you who love the English intricacies of the language, have a read of... Read more
A woman was diagnosed with a disorder.
Friday, August 23, 2019      20 comments

Recently, a woman was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it manifests: I decide to water my flower tubs. As I turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. I go to get the... Read more
A policeman knocked on a man’s door.
Thursday, August 22, 2019      27 comments

A policeman knocked on a man’s door, but the man didn’t answer. Instead he locked it and sat there in complete silence. After 20 seconds the officer knocked again, and once again the man ignored it. The knocks got louder and more frequent b... Read more
Two men ordered fish at a restaurant.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019      25 comments

Two men were in a restaurant and they both ordered a serving of fish. The waiter brought over a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said politely to the other: “Please help yourself.” The other one nodded, rea... Read more
A married couple stays overnight in a hotel.
Sunday, August 18, 2019      24 comments

A married couple is travelling to visit family by car. After almost 11 hours on the road, they are too tired to continue and decide to get a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out fou... Read more

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