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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
12/1/09 10:19 A

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Oh, hon, I know about some of that pain. Our daughter was doing SO WELL after her heart transplant- we thought things were looking good. Then, POOF- she was gone. It's a bitter pill to swallow. I get the feeling from your post that your brothers and sisters may understand your feelings more than DH and children. HOWEVER, your DH is WRONG; WRONG;WRONG! You are less than a year away from this terrible experience and he expects you to be "over it" by now? Is he CRAZY? There IS no "time table for grief", but certainly less than a year wouldn't be the "cut-off" even if there WERE one!Now, if he EVER says something like that again, I want you to picture him being kicked in the pants by the SP Emoticon Kickboxing team and ignore the words completely. Here they are:

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon to you and remember: you are allowed to grieve for as long as it takes and, should others not understand this, you are allowed to come here and tell us. Much love and many hugs to you, emoticon , Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/25/09 9:34 A

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I know we will have had different ways of getting through our first holiday without our loved one. Let's come back here on Friday and share how our day went. I will be giving thanks for all of you. Hugs

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P.S. I will be losing the broken heart emoticon the first of the new year. I have been using it to honor my mother-in-laws memory.

"Stay Plant Strong"

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TAMINGDRAGONS's Photo TAMINGDRAGONS Posts: 11,818
11/24/09 10:56 A

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I am glad you found our team, JUSTSLS, altho sad for the reason you had to search us out. Do give yourself the gift of time and allow yourself to find your way. We are all different in our grief experiences which have everything to do with the relationship we previously had with the deceased. Also try not to allow yourself to measure YOUR experience by what others think. Few of us really know how someone else should do their experience, none of us are truly prepared for the loss of a loved one to death. It is pretty much an experiment that is better shared with others going through similar losses.
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An experienced dragon slayer-tamer stepping into the light of each new day in 2020!
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. II Timothy 1:7 KJV
And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake [for what is right], you are blessed. And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled. I Peter 3:13-14, NKJV
Warrior, Demi Lovato https://youtu.be/


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LOVELYLYNDA's Photo LOVELYLYNDA Posts: 357
11/22/09 4:01 A

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It's good to see you too, White-Lotus. emoticon

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~ Orson Welles

Formerly known as cactus_flower.


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,398
11/20/09 7:38 A

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Hi Cactus_Flower. Glad to see you here today and see a lovely picture! Sending big hugs to all during the holidays.


Cosmic energy of light and love


LOVELYLYNDA's Photo LOVELYLYNDA Posts: 357
11/20/09 4:04 A

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Hi, JustSLS. I lost my sister to lung cancer. She was 25 years old, and this time of year is very hard because she died in October and then the holidays come around.

It gets easier with time.

I actually had to go talk to someone about my pain. You may want to see if there are some options for you regarding this. You don't really ever get over it, but I think with time you can learn to adapt to life without your mom. It doesn't mean you won't have hard days though.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~ Orson Welles

Formerly known as cactus_flower.


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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/19/09 7:19 A

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I'm so sorry for your losses, you have had a difficult 1 1/2 yrs. Keep on keeping on, you are doing good. Hugs.


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"Stay Plant Strong"

Ladies, ever think about joining The Red Hat Society? www.theredhatsociety.com


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STANDING130's Photo STANDING130 Posts: 23
11/19/09 7:12 A

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There absolutely is a time frame - but it's different for every one. By saying that I simply mean that we all will get past that extreme sadness. If you can't get past it by yourself then meds can help, even if only for a while. I'm against using drugs but for some it necessary.

In saying that, I lost my Mom in April 2008 and my Husband 3 months later. Then in July 2009 I laid my Mother-in-law to rest. It's been a tough 1-1/2 years to say the least. But I do my best to stay positive and I remember that I'm not alone. Others have, and are still, going through what I am. Thanks for the company.

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,398
11/18/09 9:17 P

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There is no time table for getting over it. You will have bad days and better days. Give yourself permission to give it to sad days. Have you tried to journal? Writing about your day, your hopes, your dreams to your mom as if she is there with you?

Think of a new tradition or an old one to incorporate your mom into the holiday celebrations. A new ornament? A token gift to her that could be donated to a woman's shelter? I have a Christmas Carol candle that I gave my mom. I now burn it at the dinner table for a few moments before we start. she loved the family dinner and was the ultimate entertainer.


Cosmic energy of light and love


LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/18/09 7:38 P

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Welcome to our group. My dear sweet mother-in-law passed away just last month, Oct. 9th so I know how you feel. The holidays will be difficult and yes different, but we must honor those who have passed by making the holidays a joyful time as they would have wanted it. They don't want us depressed and sad on their account. No one can put a time limit on grief and grieving, we all go at our own pace, so take all the time you need, but keep in mind that those who have crossed over don't want us riuning our lives and distroying our families with excessive grieving. We are all here to support and encourage you through tough times. I find sharing and writing about my grief to be very theraputic, maybe it will help you also. Take care.

Hugs

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"Stay Plant Strong"

Ladies, ever think about joining The Red Hat Society? www.theredhatsociety.com


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JUSTSLS's Photo JUSTSLS Posts: 2,381
11/18/09 5:22 P

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I am not new to SP but new to this group.

I was really hoping I would not need to find this group, but here I have been, the last 2 days crying and wondering how am I going to get through the holidays?

I lost my Mom January 21st of this year. She had been in remission from lung cancer since August and we had such high hopes that she had kicked it and we would have her for a few more years. In early January she developed bronchitis due to her COPD and went in the hospital on January 2. She came home for 1 day but was dehydrated due to the medication she was on and was re-admitted. She took a turn for the worse the night of the 20th and was gone 8 hours later, it was so sudden and un-expected, I guess that's what makes it hardest, we didn't really get to say goodbye, though we were with her when she passed away, she was unaware that we were there.

My husband is losing patience with me, thinks I should be "over it" by now.

I have 5 brothers and sisters, I am close to some of them and we will all be together on Christmas Day as we always have been all our lives, without Mom this year.

I have 2 adult children, they either don't understand or don't care how I feel, they tend to ignore me when I get in these down days.

I really would like to enjoy the holidays like we always have but I just don't know how to without my Mom

She loved the holidays and made sure that we always had lots of presents, even as we grew into our adult years, she just couldn't help herself!

I have much to be thankful for, but can't get past my grief to enjoy it.

Thanks for listening

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