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JIACOLO's Photo JIACOLO Posts: 51,713
5/30/11 1:23 P

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Cookie...I am sorry for the loss of your mother. You are entitled to grieve as you need to. For me, finding a therapist who understood grief counseling really helped me get through the difficult time. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. It can really make the difference for you. And that's what we're here for too.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
5/30/11 12:23 P

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Cookie- You are a kind, giving soul, who has given tender loving care to your folks for years. Now, they are in heaven and you are very lonesome, except for that little cutie, Punky. You are right- you ARE exhausted now- you are feeling so many feelings and the tiredness of always having to be the decision-maker and caregiver has caught up with you. Cut yourself some slack, girl! There is rest for the weary and this is your time to rest! Thank you notes can wait. It's OK to take a sleeping pill to stay on a sleep-at-night schedule, but you can rest for a week or more and not get much done at all and noone will fault you for it. When you feel a bit better, it will be a good idea to seek out a counselor or a group of some kind because that will ease the loneliness. You are just very sad right now and I am sending you much love and a million, trillion hugs- Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
5/30/11 12:06 P

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Sherry- You are a very wise woman- your description of the waves and how they sometimes, unexpectedly, knock you over is magnificent. That is EXACTLY what happens and we cannot control it any more than we could control a tsunami. It is also true that you don't "get over" the loss of someone you love. That is a mistaken notion by people, who have not suffered a tremendous loss, because they want you back to your "normal", jovial self so THEY can feel more comfortable. Putting one foot in front of the other is a GOOD thing, Sherry. It's all we can do sometimes, and it is enough. With much love and many, many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SAL1512's Photo SAL1512 SparkPoints: (458,841)
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4/9/11 12:56 P

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Cookie, do you have a church, any siblings or other relatives? Other than that adorable dog of yours, you sound so alone. There are people out there for you. If they don't reach out to you, you need to reach out to them. I am so sorry for your loss.

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0309COOKIE's Photo 0309COOKIE Posts: 8,436
4/9/11 1:09 A

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My name is Cookie and I lived with my mother who passed away last week. She had been sick with congestive heart failure and in and out of the hospital/rehab since mid January. I live in a big house alone now (my father passed away seven years ago) and I am very lonesome. When my mother was in the hospital/rehab, I would phone her at night every couple of hours so we would not feel alone. Now at night, I feel very lonesome. Luckily, I have a little three pound Chihuahua, Punky, to keep me company. This dredges up feelings of the loss of my father as well. I moved back from another state to take care of both of them ten years ago. I can't seem to drag myself out of bed even to write out my thank you notes. Tonight now I am wide awake so I am taking a sleeping pill so as not to get into an up all night scenario. Hopefully this is just from being exhausted from the caretaking I was doing and will get better with time. I am just very sad right now.

SHERRYTOO's Photo SHERRYTOO Posts: 3,078
4/3/11 8:33 P

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Thanks to all of you for your kind and supportive replies. I am striving to find my new normalcy. I'm also finding that grief is like the ocean waves. Sometimes It just tickles your feet to let you know it's there, and other times it knocks you to the ground. Those big waves seem to hit me at times with no warning. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other.

It does help to talk to people who know you don't recover from the loss, but instead you change because of it.

--Sherry

It is not how long the flower blooms, but how beautifully!


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,398
4/2/11 6:11 P

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I am so sorry for your losses. Multiple losses make it even harder to fully grieve each death. You may be feeling you have to be strong for your mom when you just need to have someone be strong for you. Surround yourself with the best friends you have and don't be afraid to reach out and ask for their support. Counseling and anti depressants helped me get through multiple losses. Trying to figure out who you are in the world and how you fit now takes work and time. Let the grieving process take its time. Hugs--Jude


Cosmic energy of light and love


KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 136
4/2/11 2:58 P

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Dear Sherry,

I'm so sorry for your loss -- I know some days - most days - it is almost too much to bear. Talk when you can, cry when you have to, be who you need to be right now. Grief, as others have so well said, is a journey, and often a surprising one. I think I relaxed some when I allowed myself to believe that it will never be "over" but that it is now a part of me, and a part of my story, and of my daughters' stories. ( we lost my husband and their daddy very suddenly 6 months ago to a cycling accident).
Counseling is important to your sanity right now -- good for you.
Take care of yourself... you will be in my prayers.
Kate



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JIACOLO's Photo JIACOLO Posts: 51,713
4/2/11 9:12 A

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I am sorry for all your loss. Grief is so pain when you lose a loved one. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. Good for you that you are seeing a counselor. When my mom and brother passed away within 5 months of each other I was overwhelmed with pain from the loss. My counselor helped me get through a very difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 9,615
4/2/11 7:18 A

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I, too, believe that grief counseling is essential. I am sorry for your loss, and know how painful bereavement is. Recovery is slow and painful. The loss will always be there, but you can survive it, and even make a "new life" for yourself. My favorite quote of the moment is "Who I really am keeps surprising me" (Nikki Giovanni, a poet)

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SAL1512's Photo SAL1512 SparkPoints: (458,841)
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4/1/11 11:04 P

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I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our youngest son, Ben, Christmas of 2006. My heart goes out to you. I also attend Compassionate Friends. They have been very helpful. So glad to hear that you are using them so early in your grieving process. I did not attend any of their meetings until 4 years after Ben died. You have made some very good decisions.
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Sally

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SHERRYTOO's Photo SHERRYTOO Posts: 3,078
4/1/11 10:46 P

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On July 27th, my 86 yo father passed away. On August 24th, my only child, my 22 yo son, died of a drug overdose. I was a single parent. Now my only family is my 83 yo mom. I have been seeing a grief counselor since the first week of September. I can't believe how painful this all is.

--Sherry

It is not how long the flower blooms, but how beautifully!


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