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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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12/12/11 4:43 P

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This past weekend I renovated our fireplace mantel, after I had completed the large task I stood back and said, I can't wait to see how much Dave likes my project, then suddenly I remembered he is not ever going to see it and tell me how good it looks. I do that all the time, after 38 yrs of marriage I guess it is only natural for my mind to go to him. Hurts!

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,398
12/11/11 10:06 P

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All those things experienced again in a different life without the ones you loved. Takes some time to gain your balance again.


Cosmic energy of light and love


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12/11/11 9:44 P

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I`m already experiencing this and my husband just died.
My son brought a deer roast over and I put it in the crockpot.We have`nt had deer meat in a long time and I thought of my husband as I ate some.He used to hunt all the time.

Love is`nt something you wait for or something that comes to you from elsewhere,but rather that it`s a behavior,a way of being in the world.


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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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11/29/11 11:23 A

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Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. You are right about widowhood being exhausting, so many times I am at a loss because my husband is not here to take care of something he would have normally handled. Even getting ready for the upcoming holidays, so frustrating and exhausting as so many things need to be done and I get no help. One would think our 19 yr old son would step up and do some of the things he dad did, but nope he refuses. That does not even account for the everyday stuff, twice the workload now and since I had to go back to work full time, only half the time to do it. I know I will get through this and I pray daily that God gives me the strength to keep our little family going, but some days I think I don't even have the strength to pray. I know I don't have to do all the things we used to do for the holidays, but some family traditions just need to continue for the sake of the family. I also know I can call on my brothers, but they have their own responsibilities, I hate to intrude. I will get throught this, I know I will, it will take some time but eventually I will have my own routine and my own way of getting things done. I know I can stand up to the challenge life has handed me.

I do not want to sound like all doom and gloom, really I do have some good days and I do cherish them. My daughter is stepping up to the plate to help out and she is trying to get some of her guy friends to help with the decorations, the stuff hubby would have had done by now, so I know things will work out, eventually!

It is only normal that I would have some good and bad days, it is only normal that I would miss him terribly when the teen is acting up and it is only normal that eventually those bad days will lesson and the good days increase. Until then, I will continue to pray for strength.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
11/29/11 11:07 A

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Kate- Of course you feel gypped. You had a right to expect more years and you have a right to be angry that it didn't happen. Widowhood is a terrible blow to a young person with young children. All of a sudden, EVERYTHING is YOUR job when you used to share responsibilities. It's exhausting and discouraging. You are doing wonderfully with those little girls- I can tell by the things you write. Keep up the good work! Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
11/29/11 10:58 A

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Dot, I am so sorry that your husband died. Eight months can either seem like an eternity or a fleeting moment when you're grieving. I remember being so angry that people were just carrying on with their lives- didn't they realize that the world was changed with the passing of this person? You are so right; you just get through the days, especially during that first year or two. I wish I had a magic wand to take some of your pain away. With much love and many, many hugs, Laurie
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Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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11/19/11 3:51 P

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You will be ready when you are ready and not a moment before. I read a book called (I am Greiving as Fast as I Can), read it shortly after my husband died. It was so helpful and written from the standpoint of being a young widow. Many of the situations discussed might even apply more to a younger widow than to myself, I sort of feel like I am in limbo, not really a young widow, but certainly not old since I only turned 56 this year shortly after he passed. While we had 38 years together, we certainly expected to go many many more and I do feel robbed of those years.

You are so right, the inside jokes, you see something or someone says something and in times past, you knew he would understand or if he was there you would both get a chuckle because you both knew, no explanation needed, just a look between you. I miss that familiarness. I can not tell you how many times a week I experience something and the first thing that pops into my mind is Dave will enjoy this when I tell him, then the let down when I realize I can not tell him.

So, I tell you once again, you take all the time you need to get thru this, your pace is your own and none of us really can set a time table.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 136
11/19/11 2:34 P

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Good to hear that you are getting to the point where you feel joy from your memories. I am not at that point yet, although I try to talk about funny stories and happy days with our daughters to keep him alive in their minds and hearts. For me, I am blessed and so thankful to have those memories, but still feeling our time together cut short way too soon. I knew when we married that the lifespan of a person with paraplegia might be compromised, but he was an amazing healthy man and had so much to do and give, the most wonderful thing to him was to be a dad after thinking he would never have that chance.
You are so right that it is the little normal things that get you. We had so many inside secrets and jokes between us. Nobody else gets them but him.



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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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11/19/11 10:18 A

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For awhile I had to avoid eating his favorite meals and stayed away from some of his favorite activities. Have gotten past much of that. One thing is I still can not eat my favorite breakfast cereal, it started the moment he passed and I simply can not take one single bite, odd even for me.

I know from the pain of the loss of my Mother in Law, Father in Law and my own Dad that while I will always miss them and certain moments will bring a tear that the pain of this loss will somehow not be front and center of my thinking and be so painful. Always I will miss him and will probably be frustrated at him being gone when I need him most, but deep down I know I will be able to have good times and I also know some of those good times will be bittersweet as our thoughts will turn to the one person we want to share a happy event with, like marriages, grandchildren and such.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,398
11/18/11 10:28 P

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I'm sorry to hear that your week is ending on a sad note. Anniversaries & holidays in the first year or 2 can be tough. I try to turn it around and go somewhere or order a meal they liked. I often get a tamale at a Mexican resturant on my dad's birthday and think of good memories we had.


Cosmic energy of light and love


OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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11/18/11 9:53 P

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Noticed today that it is the 8th month anniversary of my husbands death, what a way to end the week, I simply hate reminders of how time is passing with out him.

Edited by: OHIOMOM at: 11/19/2011 (10:03)
Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,398
9/8/11 10:38 P

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Ohio Mom--I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your husband! When I lost my husband (ok, not really/divorce after 31 years) I learned to sleep with lots of pillows around me to hold and feel supported by.

I became part of the team when I lost my parents in 2 months Then my husband left. One moment at a time, surround yourself with nuturing friends--get out of the house-ask if you can just go hang out with a friend, find others like yourself, help them through their pain if you can. Maybe a support group.

Be good to yourself and getting healthy is a great start.


Cosmic energy of light and love


OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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9/8/11 9:54 P

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Oh my Goodness, my husband was born in Toledo, but moved to Dayton when he was in middle school, then we met when I was in HS. I was not yet out of HS when we married, the odds were against us, but we made it thru, then he joined the AF and we had a glorious time, but he got out when his mother took ill, we were ripe for another overseas and could not think of not being close.

I do know what you are saying about being on auto pilot and it is even hard to do things like go to church, everyone seems to be paired off and I feel so alone, then in the car on the way home from church, work or just the grocery, just knowing he will not be there nor can I look forward to telling him some funny thing that happened at work, that is when the water works start and I just can not hold them back, so afraid I will be in an accident, but do the best I can. Then at night when I have to go to "my" room what used to be "our" room and I know I will be alone once more it is almost unbearable. I now have a recliner in my room and I sleep in that most nights, I thought getting rid of the king size bed and going to a queen size would help, it did not. When we/I still had the king size, I stacked boxes on his side of the bed, thought that would help me feel like I was not alone, nothing really helps and my kids are to old to climb in the bed with me, so I sleep in the recliner a lot. I know this will pass, but old habits are hard to break and I am not a young puppy any longer.

Well, time for me to start the process of preparing for tomorow, have a good evening or good morning depending on when you read this post.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 136
9/8/11 9:37 P

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Oh, my hubby was in the Air Force also! He was born in Marysville, and spent part of his childhood there, and part in Upper Sandusky. Went to Univ. of Toledo after the service, then eventually moved to PA where we met.
Like you, I miss the little things, mostly the inside jokes we used to share about the kids, or a goofy TV commercial, just the nuances of life. I know what you mean about having an adult to talk to! You can't really explain the emptiness unless you've experienced it. I feel like I am walking in another planet right next to all the people in their "normal" lives going about their days. Most days I am just "on auto pilot" but it catches up with me, in the car, or at night when the girls are asleep.
Do take care, and write again whenever you feel the urge. xo kate



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OHIOMOM's Photo OHIOMOM SparkPoints: (0)
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9/8/11 9:26 P

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Thank you, I can not imagine how I would have felt if I had lost my husband when the kids were younger, so my heart goes out to you. I do rely heavily on God and the strength I get from him, just somedays I want to have a real adult to talk to like I did with my husband and a real dinner companion wouldn't hurt either. Of course I miss him in so many many other ways that I can not express.

On a lighter note, what part of Ohio? I am from the Dayton area except when my husband was in the Air Force, then we were where ever Uncle Sam needed us to be and those places are filled with wonderful memories.

Bless You!

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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KATEJ17's Photo KATEJ17 Posts: 136
9/8/11 5:51 P

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Dear Dot,
Nice to see you OHIOMOM ; my husband was from Ohio and we still have many relatives there. I am also a recent widow, going on one year, and no, 6 months is not a long time at all, because it all seems like it happened yesterday, right? It might feel like that for a very long time. I cannot believe a year is nigh; it just does not seem possible. Yes your children still need you , no matter what their ages, but it is ok to have that wonderful goal of just getting through each day. My children are 6 and 9, and some days I can hardly breathe, but God gets us through it, and we start again. Good for you to try and get moving; it will help your body and your spirit. I am so sorry for your loss -- 38 years is a long and wonderful marriage, and you can be so proud of that. Please take care and write anytime! Kate



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9/8/11 4:20 P

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Well recent is a loose term, I am coming up on 6 months since my husband of 38 yrs died suddenly. He had a stroke while at work and passed a few days later, He was only 58 yrs old and his death was shocking to say the least. I have been with SP for some time, but really need to get motivated to get back on track, both for my own sanity and the fact that now my kids have only one parent, that parent is me and I need to be as healthy as I can for them. Granted they are young adults but still they need me to be here.

So here I am hoping to get thru the hard times and the rest of this year as well as show some signs of weight loss by the end of this year. The past 6 months have been a wirlwind of changes that have kept me from thinking to much, but now things have settled a bit and I just can not find it in ME to get up and move, tho I did actually do some walking this week, first in a long time.

Dot
Goal: To do better today.


Treasure the past, live in the present and believe in the future.


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