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4KIDS_4ME's Photo 4KIDS_4ME Posts: 331
5/13/11 9:31 A

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First CONGRATS!!!

Now it's time to take a few nice, slow, deep breaths. In..out....In....out......In........out...
..... There you go :)

You might find your firm is willing to come to some sort of arrangement even though they're not legally required to. You never know if you don't ask. Also, babies don't need a whole lot at first so I'd start saving now and if you have any consignment shops near you have a look for some very gently used baby clothes/crib sheets/blankets and save your money for the bigger stuff like a crib and stroller.

Also, now's the time to buy a little each week if your budget allows. Pick up a pack of wipes this week, a bottle of baby shampoo the next, a few new wash clothes the week after and store it all away. You'll be surprised how much you can stock pile by spending a dollar or two a week.

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CYALE76's Photo CYALE76 Posts: 5,787
5/13/11 7:27 A

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First congrats on being pregnant thats awesome after you have been trying for so long.. I know things are stressful right now but it will pass and things will work out they always do right ? Try to relax and enjoy the moment, life will always have unexpect stressors but your strong and will get through them. emoticon

~Christy~


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CD661974 Posts: 2,567
5/13/11 7:14 A

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Wow, that is alot to take it all at once. Your plate is definately full. You can handle it, and congrats!! Sounds like a baby is something that you have wanted for quite sometime. Hang in there and let it really sink in. You will adjust to it and figure it all out.

Again congrats!!!

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5/13/11 7:01 A

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Just remember at your worse moments, happiness comes in many forms. You have been waiting for a long time. It's the miracle you have hoped for. Look at it that way and you can distress yourself. emoticon

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BOMBCHELL23's Photo BOMBCHELL23 Posts: 3,506
5/13/11 6:59 A

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Jersey,
What a joy coming your way! This part is absolutely fabulous and I am excited for you. I loved being pregnant and I want you to enjoy the experience as well. I found it rewarding and not like any other experience in the world.

The problems your facing are just that reality and life. Nothing is ever perfect, but you need to make the most of the happiness and enjoy it. Life will find a way to work out for you, I'll send a prayer your way. Life has a way of working out for the best, maybe at this time you need a child to bring that spark of joy you've been missing. I am so excited for you!

Bombchell

CHARMCITYMOM10's Photo CHARMCITYMOM10 SparkPoints: (0)
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5/12/11 9:41 P

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emoticon

When I got pregnant with my daughter, my husband was unemployed and I stressed over it way too much! I know that is only a small portion of your current worries, but I just wish I had spent more time enjoying my pregnancy instead of being fixated on the fact that my husband wasn't working.

Enjoy being pregnant! It is really exciting! Make sure to go on Babyfit and read about what is happening in your belly. It is truly fascinating.

Being a mom has been the most rewarding thing in my life. My daughter makes me happier than anyone or anything else ever has, and your child will do the same for you.

If you can, fit in some exercise, like a walk to try to help you destress.

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RIDINSOLO2012's Photo RIDINSOLO2012 Posts: 77
5/12/11 7:31 P

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Big hugs for you girl. I know what you're going through as I've been there. You will prevail take a deep breath and try not to stress over the things that you can not control. The other things you listed are things that have already been put into action you can't stop them, but you can do your best to keep them as stress free as possible. A new baby is a wonderful thing and will help you focus on positive things instead of the negative. I wish you the best and hope that things level out for you soon.

emoticon emoticon

Positive people bring positive changes!

I can do this!!!! And you can't stop me no matter what you try to do!!!


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LESLEE33's Photo LESLEE33 SparkPoints: (17)
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5/12/11 4:26 P

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I am really sorry for all the stress in your life right now. It's really weird how one day everything can be normal and than the next your whole world can be turned upside down. You definitely have to take it one day at a time, and as hard as it may be try to stay calm and stress free. Congratulations on the pregnancy, a blessing in the midst of all the ciaos. emoticon


A goal without a plan is just a wish. ~Larry Elder


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CD7435270 Posts: 473
5/12/11 3:07 P

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Jersey, I believe you can do anything you choose - but coxcj77 is right - you can only do one thing at a time.

Today is for deep breaths, and supporting your husband and niece.
Tomorrow we get to celebrate the wonderful news that you are expecting!
And after that, things will begin to fall into place. You'll get through this.

COXCJ77's Photo COXCJ77 Posts: 1,547
5/12/11 2:37 P

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That is definitely a lot to chew on. Just remember that no matter what happens, you can only do what you can do. I like Russell's advice. Focus right now on the current items. Be there for the hubby and neice. It is amazingly awesome that you have been able to conceive, so rejoice in that. You have several more months before the stress level should kick in regarding the baby. You have the skills to make it all work and you have a built in support group with all of us here, most of us with little ones floating about.

Keep this thought is mind: The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Just take baby steps and before you now it you'll be ready for what comes your way.

Starting over again: 315.8 (5/12/2020)

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Still the same goal. Time to get to work!

(fit into a medium again - goal reached 2/17/11!!!)


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5/12/11 1:55 P

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*sigh* OK. Taking deep breaths. Your words - all of your words - are definitely helping. I will need to read this thread again when my head is a little more clear, too. I'm still just shocked right now. But at least I'm not crying like I was when I originally posted. So that is improvement! OK, headed out the door to graduation. Niece is out of her first procedure, going for second tomorrow. No new legal stuff today, I can think about that next week. *sigh* OK, it's going to be OK. (((hugs))) Like I said, I'll need to re-read everyone's advice when my brain isn't swiss cheese, lots of great advice here. Thank you all so very much. I couldn't have gotten through this morning without you.

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5/12/11 12:32 P

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I know you have tons of stress, but WOOT!! After trying for so long, you got your baby, AND you don't have to spend the cash on the fertility places! (My step-niece went through those, I know some of the costs). Take a deep breath and try and relax some!

Bobbie posted about FMLA, and that is a FEDERAL law .... the state can do nothing about that, so you are safe. The other thing is, your insurance WILL kick in at your new job. They also cannot deny your insurance for your pregnancy, because I believe they cannot say pregnancy is a pre-exisiting condition anymore. So they will have to cover you.

Things will iron out with your hubby. Hoping that the legal issues get cleared up and depending on the situation, there may be a way he can at least get a work-permit. It is something that lets him drive to and work ONLY. It may be you have to drive other places, but I know that Indiana, Kentucky, and California all have permits like that. I am guessing that many states will.

Your niece is having major surgery, just be there for her and the family. That is in God's hands and the surgeons. I will be praying for you and keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Just think ... A BABY!!

Change is inevitable, Progress is Optional


Live for today, love for tomorrow, and laugh at all your yesterdays. Never regret the past, always hope for the future, and cherish every moment you have.
~Found on Sparkpeople.com (somewhere)

Nothing tastes as good as how thin feels.


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AMYHAT Posts: 31
5/12/11 11:53 A

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wow!!! You do have a lot going on... but you will get through it!! I believe we are given what God knows we can handle. You may feel overwhelmed now but there is light at the end of the tunnel!! Just remember to breathe!!! You will get through this and will amaze yourself at how strong you are! We are all here for you!!...Amy

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5/12/11 11:39 A

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oh no...I'm so sorry you are so stressed. I know about the trying for baby and it just not happening. They say it usually happens when you stop thinking about it. We are all here for you if you need to vent. Look at your options before you freak out, can you maybe have an option to work from home with new job? sign up for short term disability with an outside company?
There are many options, keep your chin up, you will get through this.

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5/12/11 11:00 A

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Hey girl, everything may be stressful right now, but like everyone has said, you just need to breathe and get through it! And make sure you take the time to ENJOY the fact that YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!! I know everything will work out. I will be thinking about you emoticon

-Vicki--Philly

"Welcome to wherever you are, this is your life, you made it this far. Welcome! You've got to belive, that right here right now, you're exactly where you're meant to be."
-Bon Jovi



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CD9543726 Posts: 6,824
5/12/11 10:55 A

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Oh sweetie, I can imagine the fear you have right now. Keep a few things in mind, okay? First off, if you were trying to get pregnant already and to the point of infertility treatment, this is a real blessing, even if it came at precisely the wrong time. It also probably means your body is doing something right, and perhaps losing all the weight you have has helped you to get pregnant naturally. Second, even if your job won't PAY you for maternity leave, I believe you are required by federal law to have some time off under FMLA. Of course, not having the money is not a good thing, I know, but if you save up hopefully you can be under the right circumstances to be okay with that. You might also talk to your employer, because they might be more lenient than the state law. You should also save up any personal time you can, because personal and vacation time can be used to cover the lack of money from FMLA-related absenses.

Also, I'm not sure if you're worried about health insurance or not, but one thing I hear a lot of people worry about in starting a new job with new insurance is that their pregnancy will be considered a "pre-existing condition." As of 1996 HIPAA laws, pregnancy cannot be considered a pre-existing condition by federal law, so even if you don't have insurance until six months into your pregnancy, or eight months, or whatever, they cannot deny claims based on the pregnancy, and they cannot deny you insurance.

I know this may not be what you want to do, but if it helps any - is there any possibility of you staying at your old job, rather than quitting? You said you just gave notice - if you talk to your employer about the situation, you might be able to stay rather than quit. Of course, that might not be an option for other reasons, but I thought I'd throw the idea out, as it might at least take care of some of your worries.

*hugs*

FANGFACEKITTY's Photo FANGFACEKITTY SparkPoints: (93,253)
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5/12/11 10:50 A

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Breathe deep & often. As someone else noted if we waited until life was perfect before having a baby...no one would ever have any. You WILL get through this.

And emoticon emoticon

Original SW on 1/1/11 - 204.4 lbs.
Original GW on 9/1/11 - 134.5 lbs
Original GOAL ACHIEVED! 70 lbs. banished!

Time zone: EST

New SW on 1/1/19 - 204, back to the very beginning
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Mind the Gap! between what we know we should do and what we actually choose to do.


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MOMMACASSEY's Photo MOMMACASSEY SparkPoints: (0)
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5/12/11 10:26 A

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Oh, Sweetie!

I understand your stress and I'm sorry it's been hard/going to be hard... but it will work out. It has to, right? Breathe. The new job will be better, and I'm sure it will make it worthwhile--and there are always ways to make it through maternity leave without having disability. I'd just started my new job when I got pregnant, too, so I didn't get the disability time or pay I would have liked to get--and I hated leaving her at daycare, but we made it through! I promise, everything will end up being all right. Just take it one day--or if necessary, one hour or one minute at a time.

MommaCassey
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Walkers, Runners, Joggers & Gadgeters Winter 2015 5% Challenge!

"I'm not a pickle! I'm a cucumber." ~Larry

"Every moment of one's existence one is growing into more or retreating into less. One is always living a little more or dying a little bit." ~~Norman Mailer

(Which is to say, LIVE A LITTLE MORE!)


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LILWASPUD's Photo LILWASPUD Posts: 2,795
5/12/11 10:19 A

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Take a deep breath, girl! You do have a lot going on in your life right now, but those things all sound pretty temporary. They will work themselves out and be over. Try to look at this as the POSITIVE in your life right now. You don't have to pay for those infertility treatments, for one! And this baby will be with you longer than these other issues going on. I am not a religious person, but I do believe everything happens for a reason and it is not our job to know the reasons why, but only to follow our path and take things as they come. Congrats on the new baby! Once the shock wears off, it'll be alright. Neither of mine were planned or came at times when I was financially ready for them, but they came anyway and I wouldn't trade either of them for the world!

*~Danielle~*

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in - forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old mistakes and nonsense." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson



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DEZZIEJAMES's Photo DEZZIEJAMES Posts: 7,078
5/12/11 10:16 A

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It WILL be OK. Don't let the stress affect your pregnancy Jersey. You guys have been trying for so long. What you are going through makes me think of a quote from Mother Teresa "I know God will never give me more than I can handle... but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much..."

I can tell you that when my sister left me with her two daughters (aged almost 2 and 4) with only three boxes of moldy, dirty, torn clothes and not even so much as a goodbye, I was devastated! I didn't know how I was going to care for two kids while trying to close on my house, work, and continue putting my life back together after an abusive relationship. But it just happened. Sure I still struggle - right now I don't know how I am going to pay for summer daycare for the 6 yr old... but it will work out. I can't stress about it - it won't help the situation. So I'll just keep plugging along until I find solutions.

I am (sorry if this is weird) HAPPY for you. You've been trying for awhile. Make the best of this! Don't let the rest of the stress ruin your happy moment!!! Just breathe in and out, keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will work out. I promise you. It might not be easy, but it will work out. And I know you can handle things that aren't easy. You're our team leader, you have lost 30 lbs, and you're YOU!!!

emoticon

P.S. maybe check out extreme couponing... There was one lady on the show who has 3 years worth of diapers and doesn't even have a kid. She got them all free (just paid the taxes). She said and I quote, "when I have a kid I'll never have to buy diapers". LOL. Ok so you don't have to take it that far, but you might be able to find some extra breathing room with coupons!

Edited by: DEZZIEJAMES at: 5/12/2011 (10:20)
A smile is a curve that can set things straight!



RUSSELL_40's Photo RUSSELL_40 Posts: 16,826
5/12/11 10:12 A

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Just be there for your husband and niece today.. congrats on being pregnant.. the job, insurance, money , and legal problems will work itself out. The only thing that is important is your family. Go get your new job.. and see what happens. You can get through this with your husband, and let the bills pile up if necessary. You can always catch up later.

Today should be a day of celebration... will be praying for your niece, but getting it fixed is a good thing.

Life is gonna happen, you will survive, and get through all of this.. just relax, and worry about today's problems.

"We can't solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them "

- Albert Einstein

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

- Henry Ford


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FINDINGBOBBIE's Photo FINDINGBOBBIE Posts: 2,381
5/12/11 10:11 A

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STOP!!!! Now take a deep breath...exhale and again...

Its going to be ok...things happen for a reason.

Congratulations!!!! You are pregnant...how exciting is that!!!! Pregnant!!!! So things maybe didn't happen exactly how you wanted them to...they never do.

You have hit a little road block...that's okay...put it in 4WD and barrel through it.

Things will work out...just remember to breath.

PS You are still protected under FMLA for your time off
Wage and Hour Division (WHD)
Family and Medical Leave Act
Overview
The FMLA entitles eligible employees of covered employers to take unpaid, job-protected leave for specified family and medical reasons with continuation of group health insurance coverage under the same terms and conditions as if the employee had not taken leave. Eligible employees are entitled to:

Twelve workweeks of leave in a 12-month period for:
the birth of a child and to care for the newborn child within one year of birth;


And congratulations again!!!
emoticon emoticon

Edited by: FINDINGBOBBIE at: 5/12/2011 (10:17)
~Bobbie~
Hawaii (HST)

www.facebook.com/Findingmyinnerfitgi
rl/


~Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.~ William Arthur Ward


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CD9767578 Posts: 865
5/12/11 9:53 A

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If we all waited until the perfect time to get pregnant, the human race would have died out long ago.

While it sounds as though you certainly have a lot on your plate, there are several things you can't do anything about. You can only send positive hopes and vibes for your neice. You can't change the law in NJ so you plan for it the best you can. Don't let the stress of life steal your joy in what is a fantastic moment! You may never have this moment to celebrate again, don't let it pass you by, it is one of the true joys in life, this moment you are being given. Knowing you and your hubby will live on after your own days end. Stop, let go of what you can not change and embrace your gifts.

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5/12/11 9:47 A

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Oh my. I am so sorry this happened at this point in your life, but I am so excited for you too. A new baby. Congratulations.

In the meantime, feel free to vent some of that stress here.

The lord must believe you are strong enough to get through all of this. If he believes in you, then so do I

Katrina
Saskatchewan Time Zone

You can not change yesterday - it's done.
You can only dream of tomorrow.
The only day you can change is today.
What are you going to do today to reach your goals of tomorrow?

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it GREAT

Go little Turtle Go!


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JUSTCHELLE75's Photo JUSTCHELLE75 Posts: 10,965
5/12/11 9:45 A

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My advice to you would be this.... Start saving now.... I would save all my change. If you get ot put all the ot money away. My hospital and doctor set up payment plans for me. I also started cleaning out my house and sold stuff I didn't need or use anymore and saved that money as well.

Being pregnant is a big thing, rely on people and destress, because the stress is not good for you. Continue to eat healthy and put yourself first.

Chelle
Houston, TX
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5/12/11 9:39 A

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How great for you, a baby! Especially when you've been trying for so long. I'm very sorry to hear about all the other things that aren't making it easy to be happy. I believe you're never given more than you can handle. Hang in there, things will take the turn for the better! emoticon

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5/12/11 9:26 A

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When I got preg with Dot-Dot, I had no insurance, no job and no husband. When I got preg with William, I had a job, insurance and a husband and I was just as freaked out as the first time.

emoticon

Congratulations on the baby. It's wonderful news!! I am happy for you both. It's amazing but true as others have said that, when it comes to babies, things will fall into place. That's one of the many miracles of babies.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Humbug!
December Goals:
1.) Relax
2.) Enjoy
3.) Relax


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5/12/11 9:23 A

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I know how scary this is, hang in there! It will work out. It really is amazing how these things work out. Hang in there!!!

JUSTCHELLE75's Photo JUSTCHELLE75 Posts: 10,965
5/12/11 9:21 A

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I wasn't expecting to get pregnant with my Peiton. I didn't have insurance or paid maternity. It's stressful but it will workout. Just have faith.

Chelle
Houston, TX
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OSKARNTILDASMOM's Photo OSKARNTILDASMOM Posts: 100
5/12/11 9:20 A

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Wow, you definitely have a lot going on right now... Congrats tho!!! Babies are amazing and they show us how strong we actually are! Luckily you have about 9 months to work out details! Things will all work out!! Just hang in there!! This should be an awesome time in your life... And it will be! Hang in there!! And just remember to breath!! Congratulations!!!

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5/12/11 9:11 A

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Stress just increased by a million this morning, about 10 minutes ago.

Remember - husband's big graduation is today. Niece in open heart surgery. Husband's legal problems, which will entail him losing his license and me having to drive him all around for 7 months. And I just gave notice at my job.

Well, just found out that I'm pregnant. This is not how it's supposed to be. We have been trying for so long with *nada* - for goodness sakes I already have the infertility appointment scheduled for next week.

I am changing jobs! My husband won't be able to come with me to appointments! I don't have maternity leave (in NJ - must be at job one year for disability to kick in!) Just blew our savings on legal stuff!

And I can't tell a soul.

I am absolutely freaking out.

Sorry if this is TMI. I am in tears, and not the way I'd imagine I'd be in tears when this day finally happened.

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