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IHEIDIBEFIT's Photo IHEIDIBEFIT SparkPoints: (0)
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2/17/10 3:06 P

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That's awesome she wrote up the apology and punishment!! See, you've raised a good kid...she just REALLY wanted that IPod! lol

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GIGI2009's Photo GIGI2009 Posts: 588
2/12/10 1:25 A

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Wow...I know I am late but I would have thrown it in the trash and let her watch me take it to the dumpster. lol My son is 3 and every so often he tends to throw one of his toys in a fit. When this happens, I smile, pick it up and throw it in the trash! lol He thinks twice now...although sometimes he does forget to think...lol

God bless you. Hope everything goes well from here on out...

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ILUV130's Photo ILUV130 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 11:03 P

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That's awesome!


ATKINS ALL THE WAY!

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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 10:30 P

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Well I have to say not losing my cool this morning seemed to have paid off... I got home from work today and she had a full page apology written. She even had suggestions for punishments lol! AND they were harsher than I was even going to go with! What a kid.



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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MRSTINGLE's Photo MRSTINGLE Posts: 45
2/11/10 7:30 P

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I may not be a parent, but I can tell you exactly what would have happened if I had done that to my parentals (I was raised by my grandparents) ... I would have has my a$$ beat. Maybe that was old-school, and I know it's very controversial now, but i learned my lessons, and only had to learn each of them once (unfortunately there were quite a few lol). I did have things taken away from me, but nothing struck fear in my heart like fear of having that switch taken to the back of my legs. And even now, at 22, I wouldn't piss off my g-ma, cause I wouldn't put it past her to go out into the yard and get a switch and threaten to beat my a$$.

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ILUV130's Photo ILUV130 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 6:07 P

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I like the idea of no allowance ... I buy my daughter everything she needs and she usually gets what she wants for her birthday and Christmas ... why would she need money?

Growing up I did get allowance ... .o5 per year of life and we didn't get to have it ... it was put into a savings account for each of us.

Edited by: ILUV130 at: 2/11/2010 (18:09)
ATKINS ALL THE WAY!

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BLAZINGPHOENIX's Photo BLAZINGPHOENIX Posts: 3,599
2/11/10 4:34 P

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@1Debie1 - we never got an allowance either. And I turned out just fine!

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?

Princess Diana



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1DEBIE1's Photo 1DEBIE1 SparkPoints: (14)
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2/11/10 4:31 P

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There's another thing we never did in our house, either for my siblings and I, nor my own children...Allowance.

No one paid me for making dinner, laundry, keeping the house clean, and I didn't pay my kids for doing their own chores around the house.

My Father told us, we all worked together in this family, to make this household run as smooth as possible, and I wont pay you for what is your responsbility...but if you want to go out, just ask for some money.

Did the same thing for my own kids and it worked out just fine. Then when they were old enough, they each got their own jobs to buy the "extras" they desired.

Might get some people in an uproar, but it worked in my family, and made them more responsible and now hard working individuals that take pride in their things.

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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 3:22 P

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girls... such trouble!


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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CD5092690 Posts: 15,787
2/11/10 3:12 P

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I got two 'sneaky' ones here at home; 11 and 14. My girls push the envelope all-the-time with me and their mother.

All I can say is that it's very difficult to fight technology and taking it away hasn't worked for us, and so we're working on different techniques and still discovering what works and what doesn't.

For my 14 year old when she screws up in grades or something like that we simply don't cooperate with her 'social plans'. Oh, she can still go out with her friends but we refuse to be "The Bus" like we mostly do, and promised allowance becomes slow in giving, or somehow the keyboard from the PC goes missing, she can still surf just not type too much.

All kinds of stuff. The fact is there is no sure-fire way to fix the problems but I sure in hell make sure my SH!T is uncompromised and don't look like a hipocrit.



DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 2:34 P

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I don't know if I'd want her back right at the drinking age... better make it 23 ;)


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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FINEARSESOON's Photo FINEARSESOON Posts: 1,995
2/11/10 2:21 P

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Guess how old mine is...yep..16. Haha....We should just ship 'em all out to an island until they're 21. I'll do a little research...maybe Brad and Angie would donate..

DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 2:17 P

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HA! I won't count on the smooth sailing but it's a nice dream!


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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1DEBIE1's Photo 1DEBIE1 SparkPoints: (14)
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2/11/10 2:15 P

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Good Job my friend. It's not easy, but a neccessary evil to keep on top of the ongoings!

Maybe this is your "16" and by then all will be smooooth sailing!

All I know is that's when I got all my gray hair and wrinkles...shheeeeeessssh



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KARENK63's Photo KARENK63 Posts: 1,192
2/11/10 2:13 P

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DREAMNSCHEME said, "but I thought I actually might blow when she smiled about it. ARGH!!!!! "

I don't blame you! Those teenagers will try your patience!

I think you've handled it well so far, and I'd recommend that the iTouch be hidden away for an _entire week_ now so that your daughter can decide whether it's worth cheating and flouting your authority to lose her toy.

We've gone this route with my son over his video games and other behavior, starting at age 4. And you know what? This is still 4-year-old behavior, so the punishment still fits the crime. ;)


One day at a time...


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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 1:52 P

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We have webgrader here so I can actually check her grades every day and make sure work is being handed in on time. That's how she lost the ipod in the first place.
I just wrote up a contract listing the rules and my expectations that will be posted on the frigerator.
Keeping the grades up
handing it over at 9pm
no attitude about handing it over-none
giving me access to all her online activity/passwords, anything I ask for at anytime.
and failure to follow these rules will result in her giving the Ipod back with a full explanation as to why to my brother.

I think that bout covers it. Darn kids! 16 huh... that's the age you guys keep mentioning... great... JUST GREAT!



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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1DEBIE1's Photo 1DEBIE1 SparkPoints: (14)
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2/11/10 1:25 P

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OH SWEETIE...I was laughing, yet crying with you. I think EVERYONE needs the experience of raising a teenage daughter....why should I be the ONLY one who had to go through this ordeal?!?!?!?

For me, I would of sat her down and had a little heart-to-heart about trust, responsiblity and the fact that no matter what, you are the parent, your rules, your house, and sadly she'll need to abide by them.
Discussing that since she broke the rules and needs to be trusted once again, she'll have to earn your respect by her actions and therefore I would of:

Denied the opportunity to have any fun items in her room, until she proved herself responsible:
1. Weekly Grade Check Sheets
2. Proof of all weekly homework assignments
3. Managing her tasks and duties around the house

With all the ipod being used during after her homework has been completed each night and turned in to you prior to bed time.

This may be tough, or some may think unreasonable, but I found out that it's better to take the upper hand and take control, otherwise, you risk losing all control....and watch out.....16 is the Demon Possesion Age-----at least for MY daughter!!!

Good luck

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FINEARSESOON's Photo FINEARSESOON Posts: 1,995
2/11/10 1:12 P

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My daughter is the same way with her cellphone..and her clothes come to think of it. Since her dad and I divorced, he isn't around much..consequently money = love with him. He just replaces everything that she ruins. I hope the same DREAM...but I'm not gonna hold my breath. {sigh}

DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 12:33 P

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I think my family thinks that good grades equal responsibility... and in some respects it does. My dad the year before asked about getting her a digital camera... I said get a cheap one, he didn't listen and got her a nice one. So I sat down with her, told her how important it was to take care of, keep it in the case when you aren't using it. Well she took it with her friends and the screen got broken. So I made her use her own birthday money to pay to have it fixed ($70). I thought FOR SURE that would be enough for her to realize... 2 weeks later she broke the screen again.
I think when she's older, has a job and has to pay for things herself MAYBE she'll get better... gosh, I hope.



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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MAKI34 Posts: 1,298
2/11/10 12:07 P

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My daughter is 7 years old and we had bought her an old game boy when she was only like 4 years old. We where dumb young parents, anyways she broke it after a couple of months. Ever since she's been begging us for a Ninetendo DSI and we thought hell no! Then my hubby started to get sucked in by adult parent peer pressure (who knew that exsisted) around Christmas. All the other dad's were saying how they get their kids what they want for Christmas and that they work hard to please them, so my Hubby started nagging that he wanted to get it for her. I had to put my foot down and say NO! She wouldn't appreciate how expensive it is, it wasn't in out budget, I knew she would brake it quick, and I knew she would be on it non stop. Thankfully he agreed.

"Life isn't fair. But it's still good!"

"What other people think of you is none of your business!"

"THERE ARE TWO REASONS PEOPLE DON'T DO THINGS ...

ONE IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW.

THE OTHER IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO."



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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 11:54 A

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MAKI34- I agree... my daughter wanted 2 things for Christmas- a cell phone and an Ipod Touch. My reasons for not getting them was that she tends to lose and break things and until she showed that she could take care of her stuff I wasn't going to spend $100's of dollars on it. I told my family why I wasn't going to get either. I was SHOCKED when my brother got it for her... he always wants to be the "cool" uncle... well he sure was... to her! So thus the problems started... sigh.



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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MARLY314's Photo MARLY314 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 11:52 A

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My younger son was the "strong-willed" child. I had to take parenting class b/c of him. They said you discipline according to their age. You can't ground them until they're 35--you can't take away things from them for the next year. That makes the kid feel like it's a lifetime deal anyway, so they'll do what they please. Relax, talk to your daughter--you'll survive. My son and I did.

"Que Sera, Sera" What will be, Will be.

Feel your emotion, don't feed your emotion.

(For my bowling)...The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph!

We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.


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MAKI34 Posts: 1,298
2/11/10 11:49 A

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Call me old school (i'm only 26) but I think that she's too young to have something like that. I think it just causes problems like this. But anyways she has it now, I think you should keep it for as long as you have to. Until she straightens up. Good Luck!

"Life isn't fair. But it's still good!"

"What other people think of you is none of your business!"

"THERE ARE TWO REASONS PEOPLE DON'T DO THINGS ...

ONE IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW.

THE OTHER IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO."



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SHIMMYHIP's Photo SHIMMYHIP SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 11:37 A

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Good Luck Mom. God Bless you. I think I just would have gone SLAM OFF!

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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 11:15 A

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Then I'd really be ranting on here!


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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SHIMMYHIP's Photo SHIMMYHIP SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 11:05 A

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Just make sure he doesn't feel sorry for her later and give it back to her on the sly...

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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 11:01 A

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I like those ideas... cept I'll make her give it back to my brother and explain to him why she can't keep it. That bit of embarrassment just might keep her in line!


Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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2UNHEALTHY's Photo 2UNHEALTHY Posts: 2,231
2/11/10 10:41 A

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OK see my mom didn't 'play' either and I won't either...poor kid...but I'd give one chance...make her write a 200 word essay on why what she did was wrong and then keep the ipod a week longer and then if she ever steps out of line again (and make it clear to her) take it to the local Goodwill shop and make her give it away...a hard learned lesson but one she'll never forget.

"Farts like a butterfly, stings like a bee"

REAL food rocks!!

Weight loss is only a side effect of good health!


ILUV130's Photo ILUV130 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 10:29 A

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I understand COMPLETELY. I say stealing it back should cost her double the time you had restricted it to begin with. Don't give her the opportunity to sneak it again.

I got Riley a 3rd generation I-Pod Touch 32 GB for Christmas. She squealed when she opened it. She looked at me and said this doesn't get to be leverage and I said ... Yes it does, it will be my number one leverage. She is 11. We don't have a problem with grades ... It's her room being clean where our problem lies and her attitude. I also take her cell phone and her Nintendo DS and if that doesn't work I also take her stereo. I keep them for as long as she "held me hostage" for. If she didn't clean her room for 3 days after I told her to, then once it is clean I keep them another 3 days. That seems fair to me.

I put Riley's in my bedroom and lock the door. OR I cleverly hide them.

Edited by: ILUV130 at: 2/11/2010 (10:36)
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BLAZINGPHOENIX's Photo BLAZINGPHOENIX Posts: 3,599
2/11/10 10:29 A

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I agree with shimmyhip - she's testing boundaries. Time for Mom to put her foot down & set them! Go Mom!!! (I speak from previous experience lol - I've done the same with my parents!)
Lorraine

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?

Princess Diana



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JADEDINVASION's Photo JADEDINVASION Posts: 1,000
2/11/10 10:24 A

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teenage girls... soooo much fun. I know it's irritating that she thought she was so smart, but she figured out where it is, right? It's a pretty big rush when you know that you've pulled one over on your parents.

Think about this: she probably wanted to make you mad like the way you made HER mad when you took the IPOD away. You were totally justified on removing it, but expecting her not to retaliate, at the age of 11, is a little lofty. She's going to start rebelling more as she gets older. The more you get mad, the more she's going to do it. Try to not let it upset you because if you do, she wins.

I would try not to assume that your kid wont find the IPOD where you stash it. I say take it away and carry it WITH you. There is no place in your house you can hide it where she wont find it. kids are sneaky and they will check EVERYWHERE.

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SHIMMYHIP's Photo SHIMMYHIP SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 10:17 A

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Wow! I don't have kids, but when I was growing up and I defied my mom to that degree... I was too scared to see what might happen. My mom did not play! I probably would never seen that ipod again. Ever! Or if there was ebay back then, she probably would have sold it. She's definitely testing limits BIG time.

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SYLVIAXO's Photo SYLVIAXO Posts: 47
2/11/10 10:14 A

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haha that is funny, im a mom with 3 children two teenagers and a 22 yrs old.....all i have to say is, you thought the terrible two's where bad???? That aint nothin!!! You have alot more to come wait til shes 16 it gets worse!!!! Just stick to your guns and extend the groundation another week!!! Keep her things in your bedroom, in a draw or something..good luck...(:

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BLAZINGPHOENIX's Photo BLAZINGPHOENIX Posts: 3,599
2/11/10 10:12 A

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If it were my parents they'd give another, stricter punishment. Do you have somewhere you can put it that she can't get at it? Being a smart -a$$ needs to be addressed, lest she thinks she can get away with more IMHO. School is very important. I hope her grades improve for her sake!
Lorraine

They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?

Princess Diana



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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 10:11 A

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I took it to work.
I just can't get over like you said... the nerve... OMG... I'm still steaming!



Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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CD5371723 Posts: 896
2/11/10 10:10 A

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Wow....my daughter would never have the nerve to do that! God Bless you....lol

Anyway, I think she needs an extended vacation from that thing....for something like that, I think you need to lock it away for at least a month....after that, like you said, she can have it when everything else is done, but what it boils down to is that you are going to have to lock it away where she can not get to it....in your bedroom or something....

GWBACH's Photo GWBACH SparkPoints: (0)
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2/11/10 10:09 A

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talking about pushing buttons. blow it off and get even.


"The future ain't what it used to be"
Yogi Berra
Life is full of obstacle illusions.
-- Grant Frazier



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DREAMNSCHEME's Photo DREAMNSCHEME Posts: 4,096
2/11/10 10:03 A

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Okay, share a little story and see if any of you parents out there have any advice.
Background-my daughter is 13. She is a straight A student-honor roll, got the presidential award... smart kid.
My brother this past Christmas got her an Ipod touch. Unknown to me she started staying up late in her room at night, chatting and what not on this thing. Her grades dropped for the first time... EVER. Straight A's to 1 D- and 1 D- that she just handed in some work at the last minute and got up to a B. ANYWAY. New rule. Turn in the Ipod Touch at bedtime, can't get it until after homework and if the grades drop below a B then she loses it til the grades are back up.
I put the Ipod on top the refrigerator, back that you couldn't see it. Well this morning I open the door and I could see it. That little sh*t took the ipod, put a calculator in the case and went on her merry little way. She was ONE DAY AWAY FROM GETTING IT BACK!
So I go up to get the dam* ipod back and she actually smiled about it... like ha ha I'm so clever. I was so mad that I left for work without saying anything to her... usually I'm a confronter right away... but I thought I actually might blow when she smiled about it.
ARGH!!!!!




Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.


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